To Network or Not to Network

switchblade sisters

It can be lonely being a sex worker yet I’ve met a few ladies who prefer to stay away from any socialising online or in real life and keep to themselves. They don’t want any dramas despite the benefits that can be had from meeting and greeting with other working girls or clients. I can understand this – I’ve witnessed a few not so nice situations – but there are ways to go about it without your life becoming part of a collective train wreck.

Like it or not, if you’re a sex worker in an agency or working from a house with other indies, you will come into contact with other working girls.  Despite the cosy surrounds and the expectation that everyone should be bosom buddies, you can still fit in well without telling everyone your life story if you don’t think it’s anyone’s business. You should still be able to go somewhere and work and keep your own counsel.

Neither should you feel the need to open yourself up too much if you choose to attend social events. Networking or social events however have been traditionally used by other industries to schmooze and let people see another side of you, hopefully one that shows you in a good light (for business reasons).

And the same goes for online networking.  Previously I mentioned a fantastic industry forum and also talked about our adult forum in New Zealand which for years has helped sex workers promote themselves and get amongst it, and clients enjoy a friendly, naughty R18 banter – almost like real life networking – so sex workers get to show another side of themselves not in their advertising (which is generally fairly cookie cutter) and clients get to experience the company of sex workers in an informal setting.

There are other ways to network online – Previously I used Twitter and Facebook for example – but using an industry forum where local clients can write reviews of escorts and escorts can actively promote tours, sexy selfies etc, is definitely more useful for clients who want to get to know escorts a little better and escorts who want to network with a purpose (or if not, just kill time among open-minded friends).

So why would Twitter and Facebook be less effective for online networking-style promotion?  By the nature of their volume and pace, the timelines are fast-moving but it’s nice to network sideways when you acknowledge and support working girls and others by retweeting and mentioning friends. And of course it can be fun to pass time joking with tweeters and Facebook friends on the other side of the world. However, as well as the timelines moving your tweet or Facebook post away swiftly, most of your followers or Facebook friends have thousands of others they are trying to keep up with so your tweet or Facebook post is lost in a sea of competition.

If you find an active industry forum though, you can participate in a relaxed way more effectively as this is where local clients who are seriously looking to find out about escorts are more likely to go, and comparatively few ladies spend the time there so your “competition” is thinner on the ground.  Even the forums where fewer prospective clients seem to contribute, have many more “lurkers” who are silently making decisions about which ladies to book.

I’d advise escorts to always put your best foot forward on all social media – don’t behave in a smart-arse way unless by some well-thought out PR strategy, it is congruent with your brand, because whatever you do online is part of your advertising. If you happen to think you’re smarter than many others online, it’s really not that smart to rub people’s noses in it. Be mature, belittling others is not cool (or smart). The same goes for clients online and in internet forums – don’t let yourself get angry or bully young women, try and keep that in check! Aggression isn’t funny or smart. It’s a turn off.

So can you really get to know people on these platforms? To form friendships?  I believe so. You can tell when someone’s values align with yours (or they don’t – occasionally someone reveals themselves to be someone you’d rather avoid) or their humour tickles your funny bone. Sometimes this will result in a booking with a client or maybe an invitation to meet if she another working girl in your area. Obviously exercise caution – friendships can and do turn pear-shaped and no one wants to be betrayed. Yes, clients who become friends are in the same boat and must be careful.

Despite all of the precautions which are always advisable, I have experienced some true and wonderful friendships with both clients and fellow working girls which all began by networking online and off. I’ve seen enrichment, opportunities and uplifting care freely given with no obligation – just given privately without expecting acknowledgment from one good person to another for the pure pleasure of being a friend.

There are wonderful and kind people out there!  Find them or be them. Never be afraid to reach out to anyone, you may be just what they need at that moment.

So what would I recommend?  I can really only speak for myself. I’m not really a possessive person but I enjoy the memories of friendships from the past and with those I would love to spend time with at any time in the future who I am happy to keep in touch with – I definitely care for the friends I have but never feel a need to own anyone.

During the times I have worked, I have met some inspiring, creative, motivated and big-hearted working girls and clients whose friendships I will value forever. My door will always be open to them, I really treasure them and I am grateful for their friendship from the bottom of my heart, wherever life has geographically taken them.

So yes, I would recommend networking. Hopefully you will come across some of the true gems in this industry and you never know who the angels in life will turn out to be, or the positive impact hopefully you could have for someone else by the seemingly smallest, most insignificant action but that could mean a lot to someone else. They may be a lady or client you met the day you started sex work or at your first ever sex workers’ social event who turns out to be a lifelong friend.

I am blessed to have some great friendships even from my early sex worker days – I’ve noticed the essence of people never changes, even with the changes that life brings. Life is funny like that. For those I’ve lost touch with, my happy memories are still clear, and there is surely no such thing as too many friends.

The feature image is from the 70s film about an alternative network of ladies: Switchblade Sisters aka The Jezebels – I was inspired to explore more after enjoying Tarantino’s comments on the script.

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2 Responses to To Network or Not to Network

  1. Steve Elrond says:

    Very true words in this post. As a client I generally have used forums before hand to get to know escorts before booking them. I have gained some good friends, still friends with an escort who left the industry. Other escorts who are friends because I have taken them to festivals. I can rely on them and they know i am always available if they ever need help.

    I do despair of the online bickering on some forums. Don’t these escorts realise the damage they do themselves.

    I admit I tend to be a Twitter user these days, and have conversed and booked escorts through Twitter.

    There is a tendency of escorts to have public advertising Twitter accounts, and separate political campaigning complaining accounts in the UK. Clients tend to be blocked from following the second variety. These escorts typically run three persons, private, campaigning, escorting. All separate identities. It though is great to follow the accounts where the sex worker is advertising and campaigning for decriminalisation and saftey on the same account.

    I did move on into web hosting and advertising.

  2. David Dalton says:

    Hi Amber
    .I have always enjoyed reading your wanton acts that have been e mailed to me .makes me more enlightened in the world of sex workers .I wish you well and keep those wanton acts coming your friend David

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