Ways to do sex work – part three (being a domme)

Dominique Stern, a character created by musician Gene Simmons

What a mysterious world the provision of domination and fetish services is.  It may be an area you’d consider exploring if you have an interest in certain kinks.  Sometimes it’s a service that occasionally sex workers branch out into when they are wanting to go beyond full service sex work for one reason or another.  However, being a dominatrix is much, much more than the odd spank with a paddle, encompassing psychological components and sometimes delving deeply into the past of a client and storming into their psyches, occasionally into a dark place.


Just about every full service sex worker I know has had the same old guys doing the rounds, calling or texting them offering to be their house slaves.  That would be fine, but they are usually very poor cleaners, and to add insult to injury, they expect to have their fantasies of being dominated and humiliated (that is, crawling around in the nude cleaning our loos) indulged for free or in exchange for “cleaning.”

It sounds all very temptingly easy, but there are dangers involved with domming.  Occasionally things have got out of hand and seemingly gone beyond the control or skills of a Mistress.  A famous and tragic case in New Zealand from the late 80s resulted in a freaked out domme and her partner disposing of her almost lifeless client, finishing him off for good, after a domination session went horribly wrong.  But even much less extreme kinds of events could result in legal ramifications for the Mistress involved, for example around the issue of consent.  (Did that client really consent to being assaulted?)

So aside from offering a few domme services as a full service sex worker, which many do, how does one become a ProDomme, and how does one break into the scene?  Traditionally an older, more experienced domme would take a younger one under her wing and mentor her with her clients.  It might involve her being another sub of the older mistress for a bit.  However, with modern technology, this no longer seems to be the only way. Apparently there is quite a lot of training available online, for example on YouTube.

Why is training even important, surely anyone can restrain someone and brandish a cane successfully?  Sure, but there are certain areas that a cane must not go near, for example, on an area which could cause damage to the kidneys, and it was restraining her client incorrectly that caused the client I mentioned above to pass out, causing panic leading to the actions which resulted in his death.  Plus there is the psychological aspect of domming, the relationship dynamic between D/s, which is not something that can be learned overnight.

Popular ideas of BDSM in the media, such as the aspects of D/s in the well-known book/film, 50 Shades of Grey, have been widely discredited and mocked.  I asserted that the BDSM elements in the story were there merely to add drama and titillation to a fairly mild and predictable love story.

There also seems to be mistaken beliefs about faeces fetishes. Apparently scat is only about 2% of what dommes offer, and it is highly unlikely that a domme would ever eat anyone else’s faeces, to put paid to a story a domme’s former client attempted to convince me was fact.  Most dommes set clear limits to what they will and won’t do.  When anal activities, penetration with dildos for example, are involved though, there will always be some kind of involvement with faeces but not direct contact, for example cleaning up after clients, as cleanliness is of the utmost importance and most certainly part of the essential training that a professional dominatrix needs.  There by no means will ALWAYS be faeces involved – dildos are popular but not always.  A dominatrix with many years experience clarified “Perhaps the perception is that it is often about that, but it is not.  BDSM is so varied and different with every client and there is a misconception about the amount of certain things that happen. It is as varied and different as we all are and is about the world of fantasy which is different and means different things to different people. BDSM embraces diversity in all its forms.”

One thing I think is quite interesting about domme work is its theatrical aspects, right down to each set-piece in the dungeon, if they even have one.  And of course the work itself seems like extreme role play and also each client’s experience is almost story-based.  The roles played are often the switch roles, that is, being forced to wear female lingerie, or being forced to clean for Mistress, mirroring what is expected of the female in the domestic role.  It can be about being tied up and trusting in another human to do such a thing and take all your power away.  Different sessions include crossdressing, bondage, role play often of the headmistress, the madam, the all-powerful woman, spanking and caning by the sharp hand of the beautiful domme, sensory sessions which are becoming more popular, naughty school boy, and forced behaviour in ways the Mistress sees fit, the wonderful world of fantasy and trust with another human being. Amazon sessions, smothering sessions, trampling sessions, and forced posture sessions – all are popular.

Is there a type of woman who is more suited to domming?  Does one need to be especially and naturally sadistic?  Word on the ground is that a domme need not be the sort who enjoys torturing kittens or pulling the wings off dying flies.

So you’d think the performance aspect of domming would appeal to me then.  While I once toyed with the idea for five minutes, I know I have no interest in caning, torture or punishment.  I don’t believe it suits my personality (or persona, although I’m not as soft as some would think I am).  I mention this in case you were thinking of asking me to dominate you or allow you to be my slave. I don’t even really like being addressed as Mistress either.  Being called “Mother Superior” on the other hand – that is something I could probably have a lot of fun with and I have also been known to be occasionally bossy.  I’m more than happy to take control and educate.  (But hardcore domming that is not.)

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