Poor is the man*

Whose pleasures depend

On the permission of another

From Justify My Love by Madonna © 2006 WMG

Pleasure, according to a book I have been reading about women and aging, is something women deny themselves far more than is good for us.  Apparently there is something that is released in our bodies called Nitric Oxide (which is different from Nitrous Oxide, “laughing gas”) when we laugh, orgasm, are in the flow of something we enjoy etc.

This quality, nitric oxide, is healing and anti-aging


We women are apparently so busy doing good deeds for others that we neglect our own needs.  I don’t think this is as common in my generation as it was in previous generations – my contemporaries are good with allowing themselves things which are pleasurable: an extra chocolate biscuit, new pair of shoes, or at the other end of the scale, nice car, boob job or impulse trip to the Pacific Islands.  Having said that though, there is also pleasure to be had in causing pleasure for others.  Maybe that is a motivating factor in altruism.

I was recently talking about pleasure in relationship sex (as opposed to sex as an escort) with an escort friend of mine, who happens to be part of a loving relationship, and she told me that in the past she would forego orgasms from her partner’s efforts for a number of reasons, including it was taking too long and it was too difficult to correct his erroneous touching or licking, she’d grown bored or tired, and the moment had passed so he may as well have his orgasm and she would do without.  Almost altruistic, like giving away the bigger piece of pie.  Fortunately she has come to a place with her new lover where she is open to teaching what is right for her particular body and their pleasure is usually mutual.

Escort sex of course is a different ball game as the escort is paid to provide pleasure for the client, so escorts do not necessarily expect any for themselves.  Providing pleasure can sometimes mean that we get to cater to a variety of different tastes and kinks, which is an interesting kind of altruistic pleasure for an escort in itself.  In addition to that, most men enjoy oral sex on them, and sometimes providing pleasure to their sexual partner, even if, in this case, she is an escort.

Back in the day escorts weren’t expected to be allowed actual pleasure of their own and many choose to deny themselves pleasure which took time to reach, faking it for similar reasons I’ve touched on above.  However, among the escorts I discuss sex work with, there seems to be a new kind of liberation, and a decision to allow ourselves this unique kind of job satisfaction – who knows, maybe it’s just because we can relax more now that it’s legal.  Of course there are cynics who accuse those who enjoy sex work of “pretending to be nymphos,” but the range of pleasure available in sex work is surely a continuum anyway.  Whether it is the pleasure of taking in the visual feast of a fine specimen of a naked man laid out before us, or allowing oral on us with encouragement and subtle teaching to suit our needs.

Sexual pleasure included on the days we work is surely one of the perks of the job.  Sadly not everyone is lucky enough to have a string of delicious men arriving to please them, or even a single one in their private life.  In which case, there is of course the type of pleasure we can do on our own.

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