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Fear of Fifty


Flidais, my favourite Celtic Goddess, of a voracious sexual appetite

Part of us wants to love like the goddesses — coldly and capriciously. Part of us owes allegiance to Kali, eating her lover and attaching his skull to her waist. Part of us wants to love like Juno, scooping up mortal men, toying with them, then letting them go, turning them, in parting, into caves for the sea to crash through, great phallic stones, or even, if we are merciful, swine. Part of us wants to be Athena and Diana — who need no lovers, who have intellect and marksmanship instead.

Erica Jong, Fear of Fifty.

Fantastic!  I no longer have a fear of fifty.  In fact, I’m celebrating in public.

It’s so strange how we fear our age.  Clients say to me, “isn’t it a shame, how sex workers feel a need to reduce their ages in their advertising?”  In fact, I could not agree more, despite the need for privacy for safety reasons, although it could be to appeal to the vanities of our perceived “target market” as much as anything.  Do we fear disclosing our ages because we are worried people will judge and think we should not still be enjoying sex work?  Would it be worse as a sex worker for it to mostly be obvious how long we have actually been on this earth, or to be obvious how many years ago sex work should have been left behind?  One is powerful, the other rather disempowering.  I now believe as sex workers we should celebrate our age, be honest about it – for this honesty causes us to attract the right clients for us.  Since I publicly acknowledged my age, I have had more new clients than I had even when I was new on the scene, and they have all been wonderful.

Commonality, being able to relate and connect with each other, is a big plus in sex work.  And as it turns out, it’s what clients who prefer mature sex workers mostly want (besides intimate sex of course).  Shared youth, favourite songs from back in the day, knowledge of events: where were you when you heard John Lennon had been killed? Or heard that Elvis had died? Were you against the tour or for it?  Did you go to London for your OE straight after you left school or leave it for a few years?  Did you ever live in Bondi? Did you march for the Homosexual Law Reform bill to be passed or did you not believe in public protests? Etcetera.

Interestingly, I had a client not so long ago who was a business analyst.  He went around to businesses telling them how to improve.  I asked him in passing at the end of our booking, “So, what would you suggest to me as a sex worker to improve my business?”  He immediately began his advice with “I can tell you already know this, but your clients don’t come to you just for sex.”  What a great answer!

At my age, I do know a thing or two about sex, intimacy, pleasure, connection.  But I also have a wide experience with different kinds of people, of all ages.

“It’s all too beautiful…” (1967)

So to celebrate my half a century, I’m making a special mix tape.  Yes – remember mix tapes?  It’s what we did back in the day.  We made mix tapes for our friends and lovers.  I still have some which I listen to, remembering the boy of the day, and the songs we listened to, and how cool we used to be.  (We still are cool.)

With music we seduced or were seduced.  So I intend to make a mix tape of the favourite songs which were released between 1967 (Itchycoo Park above) and 1994 (Scorpio Girls below) both songs which are part of my memories but which won’t be included in my mix tape.  During these 27 years, people around my age were having their earliest memories of music, some of which was used to make memories, kind of a soundtrack of our lives.

Please send me your song titles, you may even choose to tell me what it meant to you, and I will purchase the track from iTunes and consider the order in which they should be played, as all good mix tape creators would do.  We would use music to set a mood, carefully building up to a crescendo and then releasing.  I reserve the right to exclude any songs I truly hate or which don’t fit anywhere.

To listen to the complete “tape” on my ipod, come and visit me.

“Scorpio Girls…” (1994)

Song titles which are meaningful to you can be sent to my email, texted to my phone +6422 0748964 or left in the comments below

2 Responses to Fear of Fifty

  1. […] with child-like sex workers or those much younger than themselves (each to their own) but by virtue of my maturity, I don’t have that […]

  2. […] sexuality. While agreeing with this, as an “enlightened” (or I could say mature) woman who now feels okay about being real about my age – and a certain enlightenment or clarity comes to every woman over time about who she is and what […]

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