While sex workers can genuinely feel affection for some clients, there is usually an element of acting involved (as opposed to robotic and clinical sex work), whether it involves putting on a brave face when things are less than stellar in their private lives, or acting professionally pleasant when you just don’t feel like it as is expected in many occupations, but also occasionally a bit of character acting.

The phrase “actresses on mattresses” may be referring to sex workers’ skills with PSE and GFE, but I like to think that one of the most fun aspects of sex work is participating in a random fantasy of someone else.

Back in the day I really enjoyed attending theatre sports, an off-the-cuff display of an actor’s ability to adapt to any scenario thrown at them by the audience, in competition with other actors.  Hilarity was guaranteed to ensue as we watched the actors respond and move a key phrase or two along very cleverly.

Phone sex can be a bit like that if I’m given a fantasy to role-play and develop. I have my favourite kind of role-plays: the more outrageous the better and inappropriate is most definitely fun. I also have a couple of clients who have specific role plays they like me to participate in – one interesting role I play is as a middle-aged dowager, his mother in fact (but that’s another blog post).

Sometimes clients can be so well known to a sex worker that they are as comfortable as an old shoe, which has definite advantages, but one still needs to keep sexual activity fresh and a little naughty. There is such an advantage to knowing a client well and being able to include in the role-play things that you know will push his buttons and delight him to the extreme.

In one of my short pieces of erotica on Amazon kindle, Rock Star Report, a long time client is a lover of breast action so no matter how ridiculous, he is always given a chance to be titillated by my tits.

“Now you be the slutty schoolgirl trying to bribe her teacher with sexy stuff to get out of detention,” he said when he came up for a breather.

I immediately dropped to my knees and grabbed his cock and rubbed the head of it in my cleavage.

“Please, Mr Jones. I didn’t know I still had the gum in my mouth. I promise never to chew gum ever again in class.”

“You should do up your buttons and ask your mother to buy you a blouse the next size up. And leave my cock alone, Amber. I don’t want to have to tell you again. You’re being a very naughty girl touching me like that. That is unacceptable. I’m going to have to spank you for that.” He sounded so cute putting on a posh accent.

“Really?” I said. “Can you please?” I jumped up and turned around, bending over and giving him my naked behind to spank, while reaching back to finger my pussy. He groaned and pulled me onto his knee. I squealed with surprise.

“After I’ve given you a good spanking, we can go for a ride in my car and I will buy you an ice cream – only if you’re a good girl and do what you’re told.” He leered at me lecherously. I looked up at him innocently.

There is surely a special place for those prepared to take their acting a little bit further for the purpose of fulfilling a fantasy then.

In role plays for sex work, we have to think fast and on our feet, not everyone is able to master this skill.  But it’s fun to bring out our inner actresses to such an extreme. Actors generally love meaty roles, and to play a woman who sticks her middle finger to society, especially sexually, whether as a professional sex worker or enthusiastic amateur is fantastic fun – to get to be the bad girl but not actually “be” it. I often think about my early days as a sex worker, right in at the deep end and wonder if that was part of the appeal, to express my bad girl-ness, to live it.  It really is a skill being bawdy and to improvise a little vaudevillian series of characters and situations.

It’s a fun thing for couples to do. On Modern Family I love how Clive and Juliana get an occasional airing – so much suggestion of wacky bedroom activity to follow, I love it.  As they are acting a role within another role they are acting, their performance is expected to be a little clumsy – over-acting and camping it up is all part of the fun to emphasise the expected amateur skills of the characters as actors.

Therefore, as a failed “actress” – who bizarrely got typecast in similar roles even with similar names when I acted as favours in friends’ minor productions (ask me about it when you come and see me) – role play as a sex worker is perfect for me. I’ll know I’ve truly made it as an actress beyond sex work when Shortland Street create a cameo for me as a sex worker whom a naughty married doctor visits for some occasional afternoon delight with my face strategically obscured or omitted like Tim Taylor’s neighbour, Wilson, in Home Improvement  (or wouldn’t Bro’town have been fun?)

In the meantime, I get plenty of practice being the best mate’s mum who is dying for a fuck, the wife who can’t get enough and wants her husband to watch her sucking another man’s cock, and even a horny grandma.  Perhaps not quite the type of character New Zealand early evening television is ready to include after all.