Tag: relationships

  • Is sex work a profitable business?

    Is sex work a profitable business?

    A diagram of Michael Porter’s Five Forces based on an image from Porter M. E., Competitive Advantage: Creating and Sustaining Superior Performance (New York: Free Press, 1985), page 5. I once had a lady come and visit me for the day in Christchurch from Wellington because she wanted to interview me to figure out whether…

  • Love as community

    Love as community

    Tiziano Vecellio, called Titian (b. Pieve di Cadore, ca. 1488-d. Venice, 1576), Venus Blindfolding Cupid, ca. 1565, Borghese Gallery, Rome A contemplation on Amber O’Hara’s What gets women off? and Love within Sex Work. Amber O’Hara proposes an interesting question in her two part series What gets women off? One guesses she explores this question…

  • Ways to do sex work – part two (touring)

    Ways to do sex work – part two (touring)

    Beautiful Kaikoura on the east coast of the South Island, view from the beach during a brief train stop Touring sex workers are a not-so-modern phenomenon but since the Prostitution Reform Act (2003) in New Zealand we are able to tour and sell our services in a much more organised manner. I personally love to…

  • Is your New Year’s resolution to have more sex?

    Is your New Year’s resolution to have more sex?

    Image: Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise in Eyes Wide Shut In 1999, Stanley Kubrick released his last film, Eyes Wide Shut, which starred Kidman and Cruise, ‘a Hollywood couple whose marriage was in trouble, about a New York couple whose marriage was in trouble.’  It was famous for an orgy scene, but in the subtext of the…

  • Sex and Skin Hunger

    Sex and Skin Hunger

    Image: J W Waterhouse The Awakening of Adonis (detail) Here is a guest post by a client talking about how sex workers have helped the issue of ‘skin hunger’ for him personally, following a discussion we had during our booking, which he has mentioned below.  I invited him to contribute to my blog after this discussion…

  • Is tantric sex desirable or even advisable with a sex worker?

    Is tantric sex desirable or even advisable with a sex worker?

    It’s no secret that one of my favourite “types” of sex is the tantric kind: a kind of slow, meditative, close and not necessarily climactic linking of two people. It’s indulgent: like savouring every mouthful – flavour, texture and sensation – of your favourite kind of food or wine and thoughtfully appreciating it even once…

  • Deeper and Deeper

    Deeper and Deeper

    Still images in this blogpost are all from Madonna’s official video for Deeper and Deeper. Beware!  Our idols and demons will pursue us, until we learn to let them go! Now that I am a lady of a certain age, different things matter to me.  I like to take time smelling the roses, and I’m…

  • Some men (who love their wives) visit escorts

    Some men (who love their wives) visit escorts

    Sometimes couples stay together because they really love each other and want to continue the personal investment they’ve made in their past and the family unit and home. The monogamous ideas that have been passed down through the ages means that couple are obliged to only make love with each other until the end of…

  • Outsourcing of sex relations to a sex worker

    Outsourcing of sex relations to a sex worker

    Photo: Ever since I was a young girl, I have had a thing for lace. I love reading blogs about sex work and Maggie McNeill’s blog, the Honest Courtesan, is surely one of the best.  One of my favourite posts is this one, A Whore in the Bedroom, which she wrote for ladies.  It got…

  • Men’s fantasies – Other Woman Experience (OWE)

    Men’s fantasies – Other Woman Experience (OWE)

    I’ve seen the OWE (other woman experience) happen a wee bit in my time doing sex work.  Last year a working girl friend of mine had a year long (in his eyes it was an affair) series of bookings with a regular client who declared his undying love, promised exotic holidays which she turned down…

  • Men’s fantasies – Girl Friend Experience (GFE)

    Men’s fantasies – Girl Friend Experience (GFE)

    Amber O’Hara’s mirror selfie in her boudoir Men who are single or whose partners are choosing to abstain from sex often have a desire or a fantasy for a more intimate and connecting sexual experience as if they were in the bed of a hot girlfriend who will not smack his hand or make him…

  • To Network or Not to Network

    To Network or Not to Network

    It can be lonely being a sex worker yet I’ve met a few ladies who prefer to stay away from any socialising online or in real life and keep to themselves. They don’t want any dramas despite the benefits that can be had from meeting and greeting with other working girls or clients. I can…

  • Is your heart safe?

    Is your heart safe?

    La Belle Dame Sans Merci, painted by Sir Frank Francis Bernard Dicksee Can sex work involve real affection or is one or both parties just being played? I don’t consider whatever feelings I’ve ever had or that have ever been declared to me during sex work ‘true love’, whatever the fuck that is, but I…

  • Desire: The Secret

    Desire: The Secret

    The Fisherman and the Syren by Frederic Leighton (1858) Sometimes when I start writing, if I have a theme or an idea I want to think about, I search online for the single word or phrase. I did this with desire only to discover that there are many self-help books out there around spirituality, in particular…

  • Valentine’s day topic: Sex workers and the L word

    Valentine’s day topic: Sex workers and the L word

    A mention of Amber O’Hara from a brief round up of websites of sex workers by a kind client I have met sex workers who have fallen in love with their clients and “ended up” together, so I guess the answer to the question, Do sex workers and clients fall in love? is yes.  Love can…

  • What gets women off (part two)

    What gets women off (part two)

    Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there was a epidemic of sexual dissatisfaction called Hysteria.  Women all over the place were getting it, the symptoms were vast and doctors were treating it by massaging the clitorises of their patients.  This method of treatment would result in what was then known as a paroxysm,…

  • So, you are the black sheep of the family…

    So, you are the black sheep of the family…

    Christmas is the time of year when we are confronted by where we came from – most of us, while not necessarily being physically present with our family members, at least make contact with them – and the realities of who they are (and maybe what they have always been like) becomes glaringly apparent. Families…

  • Sex work is hot!

    Sex work is hot!

    Image: Flight of the Conchords still from the video Sugalumps That lady with the chopsticks at the beginning of the video.  I get like that. So, sex work can be pretty darn hot.  Sometimes I feel like a slutty 16 year old all over again.  (Other days not so much.)  But it is so much…

  • Can his family affect a man’s confidence in bed?

    Can his family affect a man’s confidence in bed?

    Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny de Vito, two quite sexy dudes, played test-tube brothers in the film Twins* My usual Christmas blog posts have something related to families since this is the season to be with our kin or if not, due to distance or some other factor, at least give our thoughts to them for…

  • Sex Workers’ Supporters: Please take a bow

    Sex Workers’ Supporters: Please take a bow

    Sex work: sometimes it really is fields of daisies and buttercups.  Painting by John William Waterhouse. Frequently during discussions about sex work, the subject is raised of bitches and bitchiness among sex workers.  Perhaps images of girls pillow fighting while wearing skimpy underwear is tantilising, and often there are suggested scenarios of “professional jealousy” causing…

  • A taboo subject: sex workers from the same family

    A taboo subject: sex workers from the same family

    1978 movie Pretty Baby publicity still*  As Christmas is for family get-togethers, I occasionally ponder at this time of year, the place of sex workers within, or their relationships with, their families.  Lately I have been talking with a few sex workers who have other family members also in the industry. Even though there are…

  • Fifty Shades of Fucked Up*

    Fifty Shades of Fucked Up*

    NOT a scene from the film but these are the male and female leads.  *”Fifty Shades of Fucked Up” is how the character Christian Grey describes himself. I did not leave the cinema totally disappointed, I have sat through worse films than Fifty Shades of Grey.  This is a nice little film.  It is ok. …

  • Pleasure

    Pleasure

    Poor is the man* Whose pleasures depend On the permission of another From Justify My Love by Madonna © 2006 WMG Pleasure, according to a book I have been reading about women and aging, is something women deny themselves far more than is good for us.  Apparently there is something that is released in our…

  • Does the G-Spot exist?

    Does the G-Spot exist?

    Meg Ryan from When Harry Met Sally This is just a short post because occasionally I hear people saying the g-spot is a load of old cobblers.  That may or may not be true as far as any anatomical identification goes in medical school.  Rumour has it that it is the secret internal spot on the…

  • Sublime Pleasure – how long is a piece of string?

    Sublime Pleasure – how long is a piece of string?

    Amore e Psiche by François-Édouard Picot (Painted 1817, Paris)* “How many times did you come?” is a question that many men wonder or even ask ladies after they have ascertained that their partner did actually orgasm while they had sex.  However, orgasm for women is often not that cut and dried. I’ve been curious about…

  • Orgasms – the great anti-aging secret?

    Orgasms – the great anti-aging secret?

    Image: Jane Fonda – still hot in her advancing years – although she admits she has had plastic surgery, she is open about a happy sex life and her appreciation of porn.  Could this be the real reason she still has a rather sexy twinkle in her eye? I’ve lost count of the number of…

  • Love Within Sex Work

    Love Within Sex Work

    I found this tweet the other day and it really resonated with me.  It’s because I feel exactly the same about my clients.  I really love those dudes!  A lot of the time I give my heart and soul to my clients, and get it back in spades. Which got me thinking.  Is this professional,…

  • OUT!

    OUT!

    The Scream by Edvard Munch One thing sex workers seem to fear most is being outed, or an aspect of their lives being outed, and interestingly it is probably the most well-used threat some sex workers make against others. However, quite often sex workers let things slip, for example by their lifestyles or in conversations…

  • Loving relationships: can a sex worker have it all?

    Loving relationships: can a sex worker have it all?

    “I loved you since I knew ya, I wouldn’t talk down to ya”…* I’ve known sex workers since I began working as a teenager who have been in long term relationships with people since before they were sex workers, as well as relationships which started while they were sex workers with their clients and with…

  • Slightly kink – Greek

    Slightly kink – Greek

      The tiniest bit of what I do is slightly kink, so if you get slightly squeamish about anything that is not totally straight you may want to skip this post.  Because it’s about anal.  I first heard about anal sex as an enjoyable concept when I was a young woman.  A friend of mine…