“How many times did you come?” is a question that many men wonder or even ask ladies after they have ascertained that their partner did actually orgasm while they had sex. However, orgasm for women is often not that cut and dried.
I’ve been curious about orgasm since I, as a virgin, first observed a young man coming. I have been intimate with many men since and together we have come, or we’ve come separately or sometimes only one of us has come – obviously the number of permutations possible mean it is different every single time.
For some men, sex follows the same trajectory: they get it up, receive sexual pleasure by repeated squeezing and rubbing of their genitals, and eventually ejaculate, so ending that particular sexual cycle until their next encounter. A gentleman once told me, that once a man comes, he experiences some relief, but from there it is as if a spring is slowly wound up until eventually he has to take care of getting some kind of release again.
Some men I have met have very cleverly learned to control and delay orgasm, known as edging, and one remarkable man was able to fully ejaculate and without the refractory period common after orgasm, keep receiving sexual pleasure and further ejaculate. Some men are also able to multiply orgasms tantric style, without releasing ejaculate until the end.
For women, the list of ways women experience the process of desire to sexual sensation to orgasm is as long as a piece of string. The type of orgasm favoured is also down to personal preference. For example, I know women who prefer the huge, explosive style of orgasm which is often depicted in pornographic films and is similar to the style of ejaculation men commonly experience, with or without release of fluid. If you’ve seen the famous scene from the movie, When Harry Met Sally, Sally acts out this type of orgasm well. This climax is so dramatic than some men can’t be sure if it is just an act. I have heard of women feeling pressured to have this kind of orgasm so as not to disappoint their man, and sometimes during sex, on realising they are unlikely to climax in this way, would rather fake it so as not to hurt the feelings of their partner, or worse, if their partner is delaying their own orgasm so that they will have a mutual orgasm, to put an end to the fuck.
As well as that, a genuine intense orgasm of this sort can actually call a sudden halt to sexual pleasure on the part of the woman. Speaking for myself, it can cause me to suddenly get a little headache and have an immediate loss of any desire to be touched or pleasured as my genital area suddenly becomes very sensitive. The End.
Many women, including myself, prefer to have “softer” or less strong orgasms which last a much longer period of time. The intensity seems to be spread out and because no enormous, urgent climax is hurried towards, the waves of orgasmic pleasure can last a very long time, hours, and seem to never really end, until of course after some rest in a state of glow, they do. At any time, the orgasm can be enhanced to a more acute level with just a touch or lick in any of several correct places. Many men are happy to spend hours pleasuring and watching the deep satisfaction, enjoying being able to participate in the mysterious sensuality of a woman’s body.
I’ve also known women who can orgasm in public without so much as a whimper with the intentional crossing of their thighs, or subtle downward rocking of their pelvic area.
From a woman’s point of view, to orgasm really can feel as if one has been touched by an angel. I’ll never know how it feels to orgasm as a man, beyond what I’m told. I would have to make a deal with God and get him to swap our places to know for sure.
* The famous story of Cupid and Psyche as illustrated in the feature image above was written in the 2nd century AD by Lucius Apuleius Madaurensis (or Platonicus). Apuleius’s story is an allegory for an idea that immortality is granted to the soul of Psyche as a reward for commitment to sexual love.