Roy Lichenstein We Rose Up Slowly (1964)

 

Why do sex workers do what they do?

I’ve been enjoying the fabulous book Start With Why by Simon Sinek after a recommendation by someone I respect a lot and who has had an amazing career in their (creative) field. In fact I listened to the audio book and loved it so much that I’m now reading it on kindle and have even gifted it to others to read. I’ve mentioned it to many people recently as well.

It’s not that I aspire to be a leader but I like the basic premise, which is that we should start with why we are doing our “work” (or anything really) before we try and inspire others or sell what or how we do it (for example, via advertising to our staff, clients or just our supportive champions).

If anything it confirms my long-held belief that sex workers can create their own niche services. There are many sex workers I know of consciously doing this, for example, a lady whose work room is elaborately decorated with whimsical lights etc to reflect her imaginative personality and service, a gym-loving friend of mine known for her amazing body, mind-blowing service and abundant reviews not to mention myself with my down home “MILFy goodness” brand. My “why” is behind my efforts to be bold and open-minded, loving and accepting with everyone who crosses my path. We sex workers nowadays are allowed to create our own kind of service based on our own vision and “why”.

As well as sex work, I have other non-sexwork things I do which I am very proud of – in a small, (insignificant to others possibly) way I know they have brought some happiness to small pockets of the world and the products of my work are not dissimilar to what I attempt to bring to my clients via sex work, (bold and open-minded, loving and accepting) although obviously a completely different medium. It was enormously freeing and uplifting when I looked back over my life and my life’s work to date and realised this and now can recognise when I have been and am congruent to my “brand” and true to myself. This awareness both affirms and encourages more of the same.

I guess I alluded to sex workers knowing their reasons for why they do this work when I wrote about owning your own story after being outed. Outing can happen in a number of ways and times including after death. It’s interesting when others put their slants on why people do things like sex work and who that makes them. Destigmatising sex work actually relies on us being clear about why we do this as there is so much inaccuracy and presumption in the news media and the general public can be awfully gullible and naive.

I can’t help but wonder, when I see the service and marketing of ladies evolve, for example going from full service escorting to specialist massage services or specialist Fetish services, if this is as a result of their coming to terms with and celebrating their “why” consciously (or unconsciously). Do we not all have itches we are trying to scratch in all areas of our lives, and in our work spheres: solutions for ourselves and our clients we are uncovering and putting in place? This is one thing I love about being an indie sex worker.

Having said that though – each parlour, agency, club, (even ad agency or social media platform etc) which connects clients with sex workers (who work as contractors, not employees), must find ladies who are the right fit, that is, who are there because they fit in with the “why” of the establishment etc. I have noticed with the ones who put their personalities out there on forums and social media which I observe and participate in, that many sex workers representing their respective agencies all write with the same “tone” or even attitude. And therefore if you go to that agency to find a sex service provider, you are likely to have a similar experience of a certain standard.

In fact even the clients who openly support certain agencies (and independent ladies) on forums and in their review writing, write similarly or seem to have similar attitudes to the ladies they visit. It is almost as if they, as a group, have picked up on and are attracted to the “why” of the ladies that is projected via their advertising (and/or social media – I include sex work forums in the social media category) unwittingly or not.

Maybe job dissatisfaction and feelings of powerlessness in life have a lot to do with not recognising our “why” or attempting to go against it in an effort to fit in where we don’t really belong, make more money etc. This can only be a path to misery. Oh and as for doing things to make a lot of money – according to Sinek, that is never a true “why”. (It is merely a result of the why.)

Have you ever thought about why you do what you do? I’d love to know your reasons why – please get in touch (or even comment below).