Safe Sex (Play) for Clients


(life as art)

This long post was originally written for a sex industry association with the brief How Not to Pick the Wrong Sex Worker and the tagline “warning signs for clients”. It has been adapted for my blog

Is there a wrong type of service provider or only a wrong type of service provider for you? Choosing the wrong type of service provider* could put a client in a rather unsafe situation, but I believe that a lot of safe but bad service turns out to be that the consumer has chosen the wrong service provider for his sexual needs and personal requirements.

So essentially spotting the wrong type of service provider means that one must know what the right type of service provider would look like for you. I think we should always strive for optimal purchasing experiences with whatever we buy in life, we all want value for money, whether or not we are buying something tangible like a phone (will I be able to save details about my callers or check my favourite websites online, does it take great photos and file them well? etc etc) or buying time with a lady for a sexual service (will I be able to have sex more than once, does she kiss, will she let me do things that are a bit kinky, and will she let me go do down on her? etc etc). If we ask the right questions, we will get the right answers.

So first of all, when planning to book a lady, think about the obvious things – are you attracted to her? Do you like the look of her photos? Does the thought of being with her turn you on? What age group do you have in mind? Hair colour? Bust size, body type etc? These should all be fairly obvious in her advertisement and photos.

The second thing to think about, once you’ve established that you like a “type”, is to consider what kind of service you want. Do you just want a massage and perhaps a happy ending – ending in a hand job? Or would you like to go for full service – ending in sex? If you only want a massage, then look for someone who specialises in sensual massage. There is no point going to someone who provides full service if you are only wanting a massage, unless her ad specifies that she also offers specific sensual massage.

I could really do with a flow chart to illustrate what I am saying, because if you decide on full service, then you need to decide what you want besides just the sex. Would you like a lady who will cuddle you and kiss you with an open mouth and tongue (french kiss?) Would you like to be able to perform oral sex on her? Would you like to try something a bit different, some tie and tease, lots of positions, play with some sex toys, do something a bit raunchier than you’ve ever done before but not necessarily with a cuddly lady or involving much kissing and intimacy? The first scenario, with french kissing and oral sex on her is known as GFE (girl friend experience) and the second scenario, the slightly raunchier one, is known as PSE (porn star experience). Some sex workers also offer additional services such as Greek (anal sex).

Now that you can be clearer on what you want, you can properly read the ads of sex service providers to see which ones provide what you want, and which ones are a bit more incongruent. Sometimes ladies write things which they think will sound appealing but they don’t actually provide that service. For example if a lady promises GFE but does not provide kissing or mutual oral, it is not GFE. If you do not want to kiss or perform oral sex on her, it is not such a problem. But if you do, this is your first warning sign.

A word about condoms. It is legal to be a sex worker in New Zealand but only if condoms are used. This includes for oral sex. Do not attempt to remove or break the condom. Also, avoid sex workers who offer or allow sex without a condom (it is highly unlikely that this would be advertised). This is an unprofessional and illegal attitude and you could be subjected to a number of painful and embarrassing sexual infections, some of which are permanent and AIDS of course, is eventually fatal.

Hopefully you will be able to read some ads and, armed with your list of must-haves, end up with a shortlist of ladies you would like to spend time with who are all within your budget.

The next thing to do would be to scan their ads for anything that rules them out. Remember, you are clear on what you want. Is there anything in their ad that says they will not do some of the things you feel you really need to make your experience as optimal as possible? If kissing is a biggie, does she list kissing as “at her discretion”? Also check her prices – does the price say “GFE” $XXX? Remember, GFE is supposed to include kissing, so this will need to be clarified, or you could take it as a sign that all may not be as it seems.

Actually checking the price list is always a good idea, because some ladies divide their services up for example, with a base price for full service, but then other services such as kissing, oral, dress-ups, role-play etc may have an additional charge. So if you don’t pay the extra for kissing, your full service could be plainly sex, which you may not find very satisfying. On the other hand, if you just want sex and cuddling without kissing, that may suit you fine.

Double check the images. How well do they show the lady? Do they feel honest or look like they have been overly photoshopped? Sometimes you can tell a lot about the lady by looking at the room. Does it look shabby? I saw some images of a lady recently and you could see piles of junk in the edges of her photos and under her bed, not nice. That told me that the lady was not interested in creating a beautiful environment for her clients to come to, so maybe she would not take pride in her personal appearance for her clients either.

Most ladies don’t show their faces for privacy or safety reasons so their faces may be blurred or cropped out. This doesn’t necessarily mean she’s unattractive, but if you see a lady with a beautiful face in her ad and she ticks all the other boxes, well, you may well have found your lady. As well as that, identifying features such as tattoos (also referred to in advertisements as “tasteful body art”) will sometimes not be visible. If you don’t mind tattoos, then this is probably not an issue, but if tattoos are something you would prefer not to confront, look in the ad for any reference to them being removed from the photos for privacy reasons.

The next thing to do is to check whether she wants you to make contact by text or phone or any other preferred means, eg, email. Now is your chance to clarify all the points you are not sure about. Don’t make contact if you are not serious about making a booking in the near future. Sex workers are generally too busy to be to-ing and fro-ing with someone who is not intending to book. Be clear on what you need to ask and make that call.

If your preferred sex worker does not immediately answer the phone or return a text, this is not necessarily a warning sign. Rather it probably indicates that she is a popular lady. Eventually you will get hold of her, so you can clarify the prices and services are what you require. (Note, don’t ask her to describe herself or tell you what she does – she will have expected you to read her ad where it will be listed.) If you don’t like her attitude on the phone, take that as a warning sign that she is probably not the girl for you. But you have come this far – if she sounds warm and confirms that she does indeed offer the services that you desire, take the plunge and make that booking. If you’ve done your homework and she ticks all the boxes, you are likely to have a great time and receive exactly the service that you have been wanting and needing.

* A word of warning: there is a very small percentage of sex workers who are the wrong type of service providers, ie dishonest and threatening and I recently spoke to a man who was “stung” as he put it.  He had a normal booking with someone who he had paid up front and who, at the end of the booking, demanded he pay more.  She threatened him that she would go to the police if he did not pay extra.  If I understood correctly, her boyfriend was also present in the house.  Full praise to this man, who paid the extra money without a fuss, and then drove straight to the police station to make a complaint.  His complaint was treated in full confidence and the police were able to sort out the situation.  To involve the police is always the right thing to do if a client ever comes across a situation which makes them feel unsafe.

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