I love reading blogs about sex work and Maggie McNeill’s blog, the Honest Courtesan, is surely one of the best. One of my favourite posts is this one, A Whore in the Bedroom, which she wrote for ladies. It got me thinking that one of the many reasons men see sex workers is because their partners lose interest in pleasing them sexually, yet this is never discussed. Understandably. Imagine the outrage.
Here’s a scenario.
A couple delegate certain tasks within their relationship. It could be that the wife does the gardening, and the husband does the cleaning, or the other way around. It works well for a while, but then time passes and they have children, and although the wife stays home for a year or three to look after the children (sometimes siblings are born close together, say, one a year) she is too busy or too tired to do all the gardening, so they hire a gardener. It’s acknowledged that while she is busy with young children, or once she goes back to work full time, she is now too busy and too tired to do the gardening so no one minds the expense of a gardener.
Meanwhile, the husband was quite happy cleaning the house on Saturday morning so his wife could have a lie in, but now he has extra work on and the house gets dirtier with three children and they are both too busy and too tired to do the cleaning, so they hire a cleaner for a couple of hours mid-week to come in and clean up and put a bit of laundry on. It makes life easier for all concerned.
What if this happened sexually? The couple are quite happy with their sex life until baby number three comes along, and then with everything that is happening in their lives, the wife does not have any interest in sex as often as the husband does.
Maybe the husband would like the wife to try something a little different, maybe he would like to see the wife in sexy lacy lingerie or stockings but she is too tired to make this effort for him, or it just doesn’t seem appropriate for her. I have a friend whose partner wanted her to buy some sexy lingerie to wear for him but she didn’t want to do that, she felt it was “whorish”.
Maybe the wife has tried to make an effort to appeal to her husband sexually but he seems disinterested. This is off-putting for her, think Margo Leadbetter from The Good Life (Series One, Episode Five). “That’s the last time I play the tart for you, Jerry.”
Men are men, they like variety, (actually so do women, but that is another blog post) and as Hilary Clinton said about her husband Bill when he famously had a liaison with Monica Lewinsky, some men are “hard dogs to keep chained to the porch.”
Here’s a couple of paragraphs from the blog post I linked to above which talks about women dishing out sex to their partners only when it suits them.
Women who actually starve their husbands are in the minority, though; the more typical wife merely offers such repetitive and unpalatable fare that her husband simply loses his appetite for her cooking and yearns to dine elsewhere. One of my correspondents recently wrote, “I know so many women who say their men are apt to fall asleep in front of the TV or play on the computer all evening; sex seems to be not very high on their list of priorities.”
I replied, “Not to be mean, but what isn’t ‘high on their list of priorities’ is boring, repetitive sex with their dumpy, frowsy wives who sit around in sweatsuits with short hair and only want sex when they’re interested in the way they want it, and everything else is greeted with ‘That’s disgusting!’ or ‘You’re a pervert!’ or ‘I’m not gonna do that!’ Those same men are plenty interested in young-looking, well-kept escorts who have maintained their figures, dress in a feminine manner and will give them the kind of sex they want when they want it.”
I’m just blogging about this because so many anti-sex work comments come from the wives of potential clients, when they may not be taking responsibility for their parts in taking care of their men’s needs. I’m not blaming anyone, that is counter-productive. In most areas, they may have loving relationships and happy family lives, but it’s perfectly natural that some men just need a little bit of something extra, and their wife may simply not be capable now (things do change though) of providing it.
If it is not happening at home, why leave it to chance that someone like a halfway whore (to rejected men: beware of those supposedly offering “freebies”) will come along? Why not outsource it to a professional sex worker? I always think that when married men are visiting professional discrete sex workers, it is not infidelity, it is actually an act of love for and protection of their wives, who they don’t want to hurt by having an affair to take care of unmet needs, and also that they are showing real respect for their wives by not putting pressure of them to take care of all of their men’s sexual needs when they do not want to.
There has been talk in New Zealand this week about a mayor who had a two year affair with a younger woman and she has now gone public about it, just after he has been re-elected. I am certain that all concerned are wishing they could turn back the clock to before the affair started. The “other woman” ended up feeling used when the mayor would not return her texts and calls at the end of the affair; apparently she was also pressured to go public by political rivals (she must be feeling horribly used all round). The mayor is now going into damage control mode with his family – his wife must really be hurting, obviously this is not an outcome he was hoping for; as well as that his political enemies are calling for him to resign and really, it could go either way. Presently they are digging to see if any ratepayer money was spent on hotels or anything else to do with the affair.
Maybe things would be less messy if he had just gone to a sex worker (and paid with his own cash of course), instead of having an affair – he has left two women hurt and feeling betrayed, including the woman he had an affair with. Perhaps if it was known that he had seen a sex worker, there would also be an uproar, but rest assured, a professional sex worker would be discrete, and she would be very unlikely to take her story to the media, as she would not be feeling any sense of betrayal since it was merely a professional transaction. So his secret would be safe, professional sex workers take a great deal of effort to ensure privacy.
I’ve always said, sex workers are the only honest women. There is no pretense about what their intentions are and their transactions are completely finite with no strings attached.
I do feel funny about publishing this because I don’t want to offend people as my assumptions are pretty generalised. I would be interested to read any comments one might have – do you agree with what I have written or am I being “over simple”?