My experiences with celebrities (as a hooker)

Charlie Sheen Playboy
Disclaimer: I have never seen Charlie Sheen as a working girl
Some celebrities, like Charlie Sheen, are well-known for having enjoyed the services of sex workers, and others have managed to keep it on the down low.  It’s not as if Mr Sheen outed himself, but he doesn’t seem overly bothered that it is out there, in fact, in some ways it has enhanced his image as a no holds barred, lovable larrikin living the high life.  A professional sex worker would never reveal their clients, famous or otherwise, because of an unwritten code of conduct that what happens in the room, stays in the room.  (Unless you are an unsafe client, in which case you can expect information about you to spread like wildfire up and down the country around the network of working girls, and then you’ll be wondering why your calls don’t get answered.)


So as the song goes, if you are a celebrity, you get “money for nothing and your chicks for free.” I’m sure that would be a great motivation for aspiring rock stars, but as Ashton Kutcher found out, groupies and free sex comes with a price.   Damn, if only Ashton had fucked a hooker who would keep her mouth shut, but that would be odd since he has taken a stand against prostitution in the past.So there are risks of being busted by the fame-hungry.  Len Brown is another example of a booty call or a series of booty calls going wrong.
Meanwhile, for about the next 12 hours, I enjoyed knowing I was an unrecognised genius and the sum of the world's problems could be solved by whatever obscure ideas were striking me.

I have seen one or two celebrities in my time (mainly while working at the Penthouse although when seeing the rich and famous, we tended to be on outcalls to The Sebel Townhouse, the preferred residence in Sydney of a few celebs).  Yes, I know a few things about the odd celebrity, but these secrets will not be revealed here or anywhere, and to be honest, I can’t think of anything so out of the ordinary to be that memorable anyway.  (Except the guy who typically shall remain nameless with fetishes galore, he was always fun to see and most definitely memorable).  Usually one or more hookers would have been booked and paid by management to round off the night at the end of a party, after a gig or industry function or something else momentous. I do have a funny non-sex related story about staying on at one party after an outcall, and there was a large cake, green in colour, with thick chocolate icing.  Unbeknown to me, it was hash cake, and strong, and one of the guys cut me off a thick slice, which I gratefully accepted, as it was about 5.30 in the morning and I was starving.  I stayed at the party for a couple more hours, then had to leave to go back to the brothel, shower and put on my street clothes and have breakfast at the Hilton Hotel’s delicious breakfast buffet with one of the other girls.  This was a treat we allowed ourselves at the end of a long nightshift as it was just a short walk away from work.  From there I had to get a few things done in town, as the shops were opening. One of the things on my To Do list that day on my way home was to get some fabric cut for my creative project.  By then the hash cake had more than fully kicked in, my brain synapses were signaling at the speed of oozing treacle and just as the shop assistant was about to cut the fabric, (which took an age to choose in the first place, with the poor lady up and down the ladder repeatedly getting rolls of cloth down for me) I would change my mind about the amount I needed.  This happened countless times.  I think by the end of it she was ready to stab me with her scissors and her contempt for me, her customer from hell, was no longer hidden.  Meanwhile, for about the next 12 hours, I enjoyed knowing I was an unrecognised genius and the sum of the world’s problems could be solved by whatever obscure ideas were striking me.

As an explanation to the often bandied about idea that many celebrities have erection problems, all I can say that this is obviously not possibly always the case, and that when it is, it happens no more often than any other man who has been drinking the night away or snorting line after line of coke, but also because these guys work their asses off and they are just plain butt tired.  The other thing to bear in mind is that they have tried everything their minds could possibly dream up sexually, so nothing is really a huge turn on.  Like any sex addict where a thousand variations is never enough, missionary just may not necessarily do it for them anymore.  They have money, they can afford to pay for whatever they want to try.  Ten hookers in Brasil?  No problem.  But how can you beat that?

It’s likely that they have already tried everything because they really do get money for nothing and their chicks for free, and in their quest to be memorable, groupies are willing to do whatever it takes to make their one big shot – with a guy they may have fantasized about having sex with for years – be the one fuck he will always reminisce about.  Fat chance that they’ll be anything special of course, but die trying.  There is a hope in the mind of the groupie, that this is their opportunity to be the different one, the one that will make their star say “Wow”, and then their star will make her his woman, and their lives will change forever, as they travel the world and get photographed on red carpets and talked about in the gossip columns.  Haha, too funny, the vanity of some people!

An experienced, professional #sexworker is less likely to turn into a bunny boiler, she's moved on. She might have a pleasant, private memory of Mr Famous Guy, that's as far as it's likely to go.

You can see where this tasty little scenario is heading, can’t you?  Alec Baldwin found out for himself what it is like to give someone an inch, and watch them take a mile.  An experienced and professional sex worker is less likely to turn into a bunny boiler, because she has moved on to the next client.  Sure, she might have a pleasant and private memory about her time with Mr Famous Guy, but that’s as far as that is likely to go.

So that is why, I believe, that celebrities see working girls.  Because with hookers, she’s not going to go all star-struck on the client, as she has probably already been with quite a few men, and anyway, the client pays her to go away at the end of the encounter after he’s had his fun.  She doesn’t see herself as anything special to her clients, just a non-judgmental service provider whose transaction with a man, as interesting as it was, is over for now.  She’s not going to blab all the details, because well, she’s probably seen it all anyway.

2 Responses to My experiences with celebrities (as a hooker)

  1. […] well-known among Christchurch sex workers, avoided by most of us (and as I mentioned once, word spreads fast about arseholes), for booking a couple of hours at a time, usually at an inconvenient time too and […]

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