A guest contributor on my blog last year wrote in favour of mature ladies, acknowledging the benefits of more experience and knowledge of the wonders of a woman’s sexuality. While agreeing with this, as an “enlightened” (or I could say mature) woman who now feels okay about being real about my age – and a certain enlightenment or clarity comes to every woman over time about who she is and what she likes – I think older women as well as obviously younger women, whose sexual awareness is unfolding, are both worthy of celebration for separate but connected reasons.
A word about sex workers and age and why we often advertise as younger than we are. Firstly this is not always about our own insecurity. Yes it’s been said that women who advertise as 35 are possibly 55, this is not always the case and I am happy to show my photo ID with my real name and actual DOB blacked out (except for the year, to prove my age) from a previous passport for anyone who does not believe I am 50 as opposed to 70 – although if I actually was 70, full credit to me for what I hope is even more interesting experiences and deeper beauty. Women in my family age well, and I do expect to follow suit and become a mysteriously sexy matriarchal GILF like some of my still glamourous and beautifully elegant elderly aunts who I occasionally enjoy discussing sexuality and the mysteries and delights of men with. We know our ladyness is powerful. These are truly sensuous ladies who are totally at home with themselves and enjoy being the women they have grown to be. All power to the sexually aware mature woman and the men who love us this way.
But back to advertising. It is true that some mature sex workers feel a need to put their ages downwards in their promotional material. As well as that it is a privacy issue, as an older woman we may feel the need to be more protective of our family members and loved ones and identifying factors like our actual age in our advertising may lose us our privacy. I can’t speak for everyone and maybe there are a very small amount of sex workers that pretend to be younger out of their own insecurity. That is their business and not for anyone to judge. Clients can meet them and decide whether or not they are being deceived and how they feel about it. Men are not stupid. On the other hand, most turn a blind eye and enjoy the ride. After all, age is just a number and it may be a particular number which has merely been chosen by a working girl to tie in with her brand and persona.
There are also sex workers who feel they have a better chance of making more money if they widen the pool of clients available to them, obviously there are more clients who prefer younger ladies. It is less to do with the vanity of the ladies and more to do with the sensitivities of the client in this case, he thinks he doesn’t want some “old bag”, (that term always makes me smile) he wants a hot young sexpot to accentuate his virility. So in this case, a woman older than she advertises herself to be is merely developing a sex work persona which appeals to the esteem of a man who considers that seeing a hot “younger” woman is worth paying for for his own reasons, and there is nothing at all wrong with that. Isn’t sex work based on illusion and fake intimacy?
As for me I prefer a man who appreciates my ripe body and life experience for what it is. I may not be as busy as the younger ladies, but I certainly enjoy the clients who come to see me as a 50 year old experienced sex worker. I have a lot of respect for a Wellington agency, Bon Ton, which honestly advertises the true age of their courtesans allowing men who prefer their women to have lived a little to select accordingly and those who want a younger woman who is actually as young as she says she is to cater to their fantasies.
I swear the men who come to see me are the dream lovers because mostly they are of a maturity and level of experience which is incredibly sexy, even the ones who have not been on this earth as long as I. As well as that they have an appreciation of women as women, and a desire to let a woman be the woman, which is appreciated by myself for I am a woman who relishes my femininity and I adore the company of a manly man. I love a man with balls of the sort which an intelligent man (how I adore a man with a sexy brain) is comfortable with holding, metaphorically speaking. This has nothing to do with physical strength as the strange paradox is that a physically and mentally strong man is also comfortable with vulnerability, his own and his partner’s. My waffling here is possibly muddying my meaning however. Stay with me.
Now I am not about to discount the gifts that younger sex workers offer. Starting with the obvious, who does not enjoy the company of a young, beautiful and fresh woman who is discovering and exploring the delights of her body? I was once her and I am forever grateful to the men I met who taught me a little something each time and gave me the confidence to discover a wilder and stronger sexual identity.
There comes a time in a young woman’s life when she becomes aware of the effect her beautiful body has on men. “Women and girls rule my world” sang Prince (and Tom Jones) in the song Kiss. It should be in the Bible: blessed are the young women who are aware of themselves sexually. Most men are willingly receptive to a young woman calling come hither to them by her sexy eyes, smile, clothing, movement, and suggestion of all of the above. While society is becoming more permissive, and women are demanding it becomes so, there is no place a girl can really let it all hang out for the benefit of a man like she can in a bedroom.
I am aware of and have met so many young sex workers in Australia and New Zealand, where sex work is fabulously legal, who are in such a great position for they are in demand for their beauty and willingness to experiment, which is richly enhancing them. There is a lot to be said for a young woman who is having many lovers. All men are different obviously and there is nothing like a beautiful woman who is soaking up every experience that sex work is presenting her with: from the men from all walks of life who cross her path to the enjoyment of some of the strange and delightful sexual fantasies that she gets to have fun with and the learning about men and the differences between men and women and the revelling in being born a woman and the richness of this stroke of luck. Of course I can not be anything but biased but I love being a woman.
Fortunate is the man who comes across the young woman during this timeframe and treats her accordingly well, for it is indeed a privilege to enjoy a young woman’s beautiful body and be part of her unflowering of sorts.
One young woman said to me recently after a threesome “You are so lucky, Amber. You seem to be able to connect with your clients and they seem to be interested in talking to you but when I try they just ignore what I say and rush straight to sex.” My advice was not to let it phase her but to continue to show her playful and youthful personality with flirting, intelligence and joking because all men find beautiful women like this charming and valuable. And what man does not love a woman who can make him smile?
There is no rule that says we can’t laugh, tease and joke during sex, it’s not all porn star or even GFE serious. God, sex is so NOT the place for such earnestness in my opinion. Apparently the French (from what I’ve heard) are known for holding lengthy conversations while fucking – I guess they would be pausing occasionally from their discussions to cherish the sensations.
As I’ve touched on before, some men do not want anything as intimate as girlfriend experience, (which was not even a thing when I was a young sex worker) and some working girls prefer not to kiss, french kiss or even allow oral sex on them except as an extra service with extra costs as this is preferred as an activity in their private lives with their significant other. Let them be. Enjoy the fact that this goddess-like beauty, who would not even glance in your direction ordinarily, is lying naked with you and you are the lucky man who gets to see her beautiful body moving with yours for the time you are together, fondling her and experiencing being intimate with her and maybe even teaching her something that she will remember with fondness.
Sexual awakening is a fluid thing for both women and men and there is a woman of the right age and related kind of beauty for any man and what he wishes to contribute to the sexual union of the moment (or not contribute – a man does not necessarily owe a sex worker anything other than money. Sex work is totally obligation-free). There is such charm in women who allow themselves to feel beautiful regardless of age and women of all ages can provide sexual excitement for men. Have we come to a place in society where we can find mature ladies with all their experiences sexy yet?
I wrote this as a guest blogpost for the fabulous Australian website, Scarlet Blue.
Image from the film, Dangerous Liaisons (1997)
Actors: Glenn Close, John Malkovich, Michelle Pfeiffer, Swoosie Kurtz, Keanu Reeves
Directors: Stephen Frears
Writers: Christopher Hampton, Choderlos de Laclos
Producers: Christopher Hampton, Hank Moonjean, Norma Heyman