I’ve seen the OWE (other woman experience) happen a wee bit in my time doing sex work.  Last year a working girl friend of mine had a year long (in his eyes it was an affair) series of bookings with a regular client who declared his undying love, promised exotic holidays which she turned down as she knew they did not include payment for her, and told her he would leave his wife for her. It sounds like it was risky for his marriage, but it was a mere fantasy and he disappeared from her client list as quickly and unremarkably as he arrived. After enquiring if there was anyone else available at the house she worked at, he was never to be heard from again. Being the charming, generous (at the start) knight to a hot, loving working girl as if having an affair is a not uncommon fantasy but it’s more risky on several levels.

I realise that fantasies come in all shapes and sizes but this one is a clanger because it can really do a sex worker’s head in. Is she having her own version of the Pretty Woman movie, being rescued? How should she respond?

It seems to be more dishonest when a sex worker is sucked in but maybe it’s just seen as the boot being on the other foot so that’s ok. I have a working girl friend in Auckland who gets that many proposals its not funny, but is yet to be proposed to by a man who is actually legally able to marry her. Basically the relationships turn into nothing emotionally satisfying and not only that, she then loses a paying client.

If GFE is a step down price wise from PSE, then in the long run, considering emotional and other costs coupled with loyalty discounts expected or given, the OWE must be the Kmart of sex work. (But like everything bought on the cheap, it is often false economy when the item breaks down and a lot of money is spent on repairs.) OWE as a concept is not openly discussed but it most certainly does exist and it seems to be an economical alternative for guys who want a rich, gorgeous, sexually hospitable girl friend on tap for very little cost. And how will a dude convince a girl whom he has previously paid for sex that he should no longer pay her but still get sex with her more often than he does with his real life partner? By trying it on with those three little magic words “I love you”.

Men throughout the ages have strung their mistresses along with the promise that they will leave their wives for them. I’ve never had any respect for those who believe it. It’s sometimes a sad case – the woman who desperately wants a family of her own gets flattered by the promises of the married man who will leave his wife when the time is right and before long the childbearing years of the other woman are over when finally she realises it is never going to happen.

I’ve always said that it is safer for men to see a sex worker than have an affair as affairs can break up marriages, so when a sex worker becomes the open substitute for an affair and talk of breaking up perfectly good relationships in the real world happens, a reality check is needed.

For the client in question, when the shit hits the fan, a softly softly approach needs to be taken, on the off chance he really is serious about leaving his wife for a sex worker. It’s actually only a fantasy because in real life he would probably not want to have an affair – that would be too dangerous and confronting as he might have to be true to his word and leave his wife. In a gentle way, it needs to be brought back to a client that this is merely a fantasy. A way of putting the fantasy side by side next to the reality is useful. Questions such as “so how would you support me when you’ve lost half of everything to your wife in the divorce settlement?” help with the much-needed reality check that not all fantasies translate to the real world. When the details are ironed out, life with the other woman does not seem so peachy after all. At this point they can both take their leave with dignity.

I can say from experience that it is delicious to have clients where there is a divine, sexual connection and where a fondness, admiration and almost love develop. Stolen trysts with ones lover who happens to be sexually attentive and not burdened with the day to day mundanity associated with marriage and raising children are meant to be just that – delicious moments taken every now and then. But all that glitters is not gold. The real gold of life, the treasure worth holding on to, is not based on paid-for illusions. Those illusions should be enjoyed for what they are, as if one is enjoying the Saturday matinee with a large serve of popcorn – maybe every Saturday if that’s your thing. But when you leave the cinema/boudoir perhaps a little richer on some level for your experience, life goes on.

Pros: For just a few moments, real life disappears and it feels like you are having a delicious Claytons affair (Claytons – the drink you are having when you’re not having a drink).

Cons: The complicated and expensive mess which could become a sex worker’s and her client’s life if attempts are made to transpose the fantasy into their real life. Ones wits must be actively kept about them.