Still images in this blogpost are all from Madonna’s official video for Deeper and Deeper.
Beware! Our idols and demons will pursue us, until we learn to let them go!
Now that I am a lady of a certain age, different things matter to me. I like to take time smelling the roses, and I’m less persuaded by what the world tells me is important because it happens to be bright, shiny and new.
As a mature sex worker, the image of myself which I use to advertise may not have caught your eye as it flashed by, but if you have visited me a few times, I hope that our provider/client* experience feels like it is somewhat deeper than that, as if time has been spent taking in the fragrance of the roses in full-bloom, and possibly heading towards a sex-friendship between two lascivious confidantes.
I am not encouraging the creepy, stalker type of behaviour by either provider or client, as that can never be fulfilling. To reach true depth with another person, there must respect for separate personhood, never forced merging. A misstep over the line can ruin it all.
I enjoyed reading a blog post sent to me from a former sex worker who I keep in touch with. She knows that in other areas of my work life, I strive to improve and thought I would find the idea interesting of going deeper not wider. The idea is that instead of grasping the next shiny idea/hobby/product/craze, we should enjoy what is already in our lives and go deeper with it.
This prompted a discussion about my desire to continue sex work (and writing about sex work) while I pursue other things that occupy my time, one of the reasons being that I enjoy the kinds of liaisons, sexual and otherwise, that have developed with some of my long-term clients. It is true, occasionally a sex work arrangement will crash and burn (sometimes because of the kind of misstep I have just described by one or both of us) but mostly, sequential get-togethers, even when they don’t happen frequently, build on what has gone before. It may not always be fireworks but mostly it is – the fireworks may be cerebrally explosive as much as sexual.
I am not saying that clients should stick with the same provider, but may wish to consider having one or two ladies to boomerang back to. This lady, knowing their way around their client’s body and knowing what turns them on, can be such a comfort in many other ways as well. Sometimes there is a kink or fantasy which needs to happen in such a particular way, that once this skill has been entrusted to someone in particular, the effort to re-train or connect with someone new on that level is less than satisfying.
LIkewise, going deeper with what I give and reveal to people I already know, both in the worlds outside and inside of sex work, enriches myself as well as (hopefully) them. Honesty partnered with vulnerability is required. As I try and master other things in my life, at which I want to be the best I can be, sex work, as a unique kind of transactional interchange, is also worth going deeper into.
No two provider/client relationships can ever be the same. It is always fascinating to see how and if each one develops (or not). I actually quite like the uncertainty because, while I encourage return visits, the possibility of any future encounters is not in my hands. Therefore time together is a forced enjoying of the moment, which is a great way to live life. This gives me permission to more fully engage in what is real in my “real life” as these things are more under my control (or not!) In this sense, the purely-business aspect of sex work is also advantageous for the client, who of course also has a much deeper place in his own world, outside of visiting sex workers, to attend to.
* Of course, not all clients need or want anything deeper than an anonymous, recreational fuck which is also perfectly fine for most sex workers.